One of the most common things I see in my clients who are mothers is the overwhelming frustration they bring to therapy. And if I had to identify a common thread among all these cases, it would be the frustration of not recognizing themselves anymore.
I’d even say this is something that unites mothers everywhere. We go through a complete transformation, breaking down who we once were to rebuild ourselves into the person who will take care of a baby—someone who is learning, day by day, how to manage new responsibilities, set aside things they once loved, and adjust to a body that no longer feels familiar. And on top of all that, society imposes expectations on how motherhood should look, romanticizing it in a way that only adds to the guilt we already feel.
Of course, frustration has many layers, but for most women, becoming a mother magnifies or brings it to the surface in a way we didn’t expect.
So, what can we do in these moments? How can we start to recognize ourselves again? How do we regain a sense of control?
The answer lies in exactly that—taking back control, but not with the unrealistic goal of returning to who we were before becoming mothers. Instead, it’s about shifting our perspective. Now, we take control of our new selves, integrating parts of who we were with the person we have become. But, like anything in life, it’s a process. It starts with small, manageable steps because the reality is, our children need our time, and we can’t rebuild ourselves overnight.
And I’m talking about the simplest things—getting back into exercise, going to the movies, read again, returning to work. All those aspects of ourselves that we put on hold while caring for our children.
Something I always remind my clients—and I want to share with you—is to ask for help. Lean on your support network—friends, partner, family. Even if your family is far away, their encouragement still matters. And most importantly, take care of your mental health.
There’s a simple rule for this: Do what makes you feel good (as long as it doesn’t harm others, of course). If your kids eat a quick dinner or fast food for one night—it’s okay. If they’re late to school one day—it’s okay. If they skip the school and stay home watching Netflix instead—it’s okay. Easing the pressure on ourselves is also a way of protecting our mental health.
Taking these small steps is the beginning of letting go of frustration. And if it still feels like too much, seeking support from a mental health professional is always an option. Remember, you are not alone. 💜