Often, when we hear the word “grief,” we associate it with the loss of a loved one. But grief isn’t just about death—it’s something we experience whenever we lose something constant in our lives: a relationship, a job, moving to a new place, or migrating to another country.
When we first arrive in the country we’ve chosen to start a new chapter, our adrenaline is at its peak! Everything feels exciting and full of possibilities. We think, This was the best decision of my life! This is what many migrants call the “honeymoon phase.” How long it lasts depends on each person, their history, and the circumstances they face—like how quickly they find a place to live, secure a job, or make new friends.
Then comes the confrontation phase. And unfortunately, this stage can feel incredibly tough, especially if we had unrealistic expectations before arriving. Reality hits us hard and without warning. Suddenly, the things we didn’t like about our home country don’t seem so bad anymore, and we begin to miss our old life.
At that moment, we are experiencing migratory grief.
The intensity and duration of this grief vary from person to person, but one thing is certain: every migrant feels it at some point. It’s completely natural to miss the place where we grew up, where our family and childhood friends are, where we may have left a job that aligned with our career, and where we had a certain level of financial stability.
The real challenge isn’t grief itself—it’s when we make big decisions while overwhelmed by sadness, nostalgia, or frustration. I’ve seen this in many of my clients, and some have regretted the choices they made during this emotional storm.
If you’re going through migratory grief, here are some things that might help:
1️⃣ Validate your feelings. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, guilty, or frustrated during this process. The more honest you are about what you’re experiencing, the easier it will be to find ways to cope.
2️⃣ Remember why you migrated. Was it for a better quality of life? Greater opportunities for your children? Learning English? Financial stability? Whatever your reasons, remind yourself that these goals take time. Nothing happens overnight. Now that you have more experience living in your new country, take a step back and realistically reassess the steps and timeline needed to achieve your goals.
3️⃣ Recognize that this phase is temporary. If you’re struggling with work, sharing housing, or adjusting to a new lifestyle, remind yourself that this is just one stage of the journey. It won’t always be like this. You’re taking the necessary steps to build the life you envisioned.
4️⃣ Don’t isolate yourself. Going through this alone can make everything feel heavier. Talk to a friend, a family member, or a mental health professional. Many countries have helplines where you can request a translator, and the service is free. The most important thing is to remember: You don’t have to carry this burden alone.
5️⃣ Be honest about your feelings. Sometimes, your goals and priorities change, and that’s okay. If you’ve decided that returning to your home country is the best choice for you, try to do it in a way that benefits you—save some money first, wait for lower travel fares, or find someone to take over your lease to avoid penalties. Plan wisely so your decision doesn’t create additional financial stress.
6️⃣ Seek professional support. If you feel stuck or overwhelmed, know that help is available. Some student health insurance plans cover therapy, and there are organizations that provide free support for migrants and international students.
Finally, processing your grief doesn’t mean the pain will disappear completely. Feelings of nostalgia and sadness may still come and go, but over time, their intensity will shift—just as your circumstances will. Be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion. What you’re going through isn’t easy. Not everyone has the courage to pack up their entire life into a suitcase and start fresh in a new country.